Why the fuck does my step dad have to get involved?
After the argument between my mum and I has almost ended, my step dad decides to step in and start it up all over again. You aren’t top shit, you can’t tell me what to do, its your house but I’m only living there because I have to. Mum and I had the problem solved, you don’t have to step in and make matters worse, and to think you would be immature enough to get in my face? dude you know I’d drop you, stay the fuck away from my personal space cunt/
I swear all the time my parents tell me that life isn’t going to always be fun. I agree, but they seem to think my life is going to be like theirs (Boring as fuck. Work, eat, sleep, repeat.)
My life can be like how ever I want it. I’d rather earn not that much money, but still have time to see the people I love, and to enjoy life. I’m not going to sit at home and rot for hours on end like them, its fucking stupid how they do that.
Stop acting like you’re 100 years old and can’t walk, go out and fucking have fun you boring idiots.
I do understand I get a lot of freedom, but being home is the last thing I want to do, and getting told I can’t even go over a friends for a sleep over ‘because I said so’ is bullshit. Holidays are meant for people to have fun, go over peoples houses, NOT ROT AT HOME.
I have discovered tonight that helping others out with their self confidence is really something I like to do, even just helping people out emotionally in general.
When I was younger, I got put down constantly, everyone hated me, I had no real friends. In the result of this, I had really low self esteem, this was bad, but you sorta learn to love yourself if people tell you that you are a good person, nice person etc.
The only reason why I’m so confident is my friends. My friends tell me all the time I’m a nice individual and they seem like they want to be around me, so how could I be to bad? Loving yourself is the first thing you should love, because really, if you aren’t happy with yourself, why be happy with anyone? you are the only person you can change, but you don’t have to, thats the good part, just be who you are.
Seriously, just accept you are who you are, and roll with it, love yourself for who you are, and just be happy. I smile all the time, because life is to short to be held back by sadness.
I’ve always wanted to be a good drummer. It seems as though I’m never going to be that, it saddens me heaps. I have so much natural talent but I don’t even know any theory, people just laugh at me when I don;t know something other than teaching me it. FUCKING HELL I JUST WANT TO BE GOOD FOR FUCK SAIK.
Day 11. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up
1. Why Not? - Alter Ego. 2. Parasitic Autopsy - Thy Art Is Murder 3. Forgotten - Linkin Park 4. Daylight - Shinto Katana 5. Archaic - King Conquer 6. The Suck For Your Solution - Marilyn Manson 7. The Number Of The Beast - Iron Maiden 8. Reflections - Resist The Thought 9. A Divine Eradication - Underoath 10. The Only Virtue - House Vs Hurricane
The past is gone, yeah sure I didn’t do the front half of the lawns today, it literally takes 5 minutes to do that, I’m sorry you did it before I got a chance, I got home and was about to do it but it was already finished. Now you bring it up like its the end of the world. You say I do nothing around the house, you want me to do nothing? fine I won’t ever clean anything every again for you. Don’t appreciate nothing fuck wits
Ron, Mum. Shut the fuck up, before I seriously speak my mind…
I don’t NEED to like my brother, I hate him and he hates me. He never actually says hello to me, he’s constantly a smart ass to me and he never ever just wants to have a conversation with me, hes a cunt.
I fucking hate my family, I don’t feel comfortable with them, nor will I fucking ever.
Ron. Go fuck yourself you cunt, get in my face again and I’ll knock your teeth out.
A lot of my family love to judge me, and its really starting to get to me. They think that just because they are family I can’t hate them, like seriously, I hate shit humans, so why would the fact that you have the same blood as me change my mind on shit humans?
Like really, mum, if you want to tease me about the fact that I meditate, why don’t you come out and call me weird, and you think im not normal, you know you want to fucking say it. I want you to say it, because I know im not, at least im not a fuckin idiot that has a boring life, go out and have fun, you waste your life on shit.
When people judge me, I usually don’t give two shits, but when your family expects respect, yet they give you none, it pisses me off.
1. I don’t follow trends, everything I do is because I want to, not because its cool. 2. Family to me isn’t just blood 3. I’m awesome ;) 4. Try to be respectful 5. Don’t believe in god 6. I know who my real friends are 7. I do national level athletics 8. Slipknot is my favorite band 9. I meditate 10. I love being chilled 11. Hate school 12. Hate work 13. I have lots of confidence 14. If you sack whack me, I’ll most probably punch you in the face 15. I’m faithful 16. I like BMX riding when I can 17. No matter where I am, as long as I’m with friends, it’ll always be fun 18. I really enjoy gigs 19. Mark & Andrew changed my life 20. I’m pretty trust worthy 21. I hate liars (everyone lies, but not HEAPS) 22. If I give you a second chance after fucking up, you must mean a lot to me 23. Hate fighting, but can do so if needed to protect myself 24. I’m a vocalist 25. I’m a drummer 26. I’m a sick cunt 27. I love helping people, its just natural. 28. I am pretty open minded 29. I try not to judge by first impression 30. I will make your life better :P
Day 5. A time you thought about ending your own life.
Deep as one. Be ware.
Year 5 / 6 of my schooling life was definitely the worst time of my life.
I was the only kid pretty much in my school that was happy to say that I listened to a different style of music, I was the only one not afraid to go against trends and be myself. I’ve always been like that, my father taught me to never be a follower, be a fucking leader.
So of course, because metal is always looked upon as being ”emo”, thats what I got called for 2 years of my life, everyone thought I was a freak. I wanted long hair, I wanted to do what I wanted to do, I didn’t follow trends. I wasn’t cool.
Every day, I’d almost get into fights, friends would betray me, I had pretty much no one accept for a few.
I remember a group of friends turning around, spitting on me and pinning me up against the wall, trying to bash me. I was always big, so i threw them to the ground, cried in front of everyone, losing friends is worse than losing any girlfriend.
So anyways, during this time of getting teased, the main thing I got called was ”Emo”. When you get called something every day of your life, you start to believe it. I almost took sissors and cut myself, believing its what I was supposed to be. But again, I picked myself up, listened to the band that always made everything better (slipknot) and listened to the lyrics, telling me to keep on going, to never give up. I didn’t give up, I kept going.
I thought about killing myself, even if it was for a split second, but its a fucking scary thought.
Now I have everything, the best friends ever, everyone likes me for who I AM, its why I’m so against trends, and giving up.
Never give up, in the end, you’ll get better than ever.
I think without religion, our world would be a better place. Judge me all you want on this, but this is my fucking opinion, so shut the fuck up :)
Religion is based on faith, not on fact, yet people get so worked up over it when people disagree with their ways of life and beliefs.
So many wars have been started over religion, so many scams are started with religion, so many lies, so much false hope.
Instead of believing in yourself, people start to believe in god, no one else, and its fucked. YOU are the most powerful thing, you can change pretty much anything, you can pick yourself back up, you can achieve great things. If you think for one second you need god to achieve anything in life, then I really think you should think about what your saying. Believing in god is fine, it can lead you a good life, but when you have no self confidence but total confidence in this thing in the sky that hasn’t even been proven yet, then you know, again, think about where you are heading.
Imagine god isn’t real. And you spent your life not doing what you want because it its classed as ”sinning”, you just wasted your life on a false image, something a human being wrote about. A fucking lie.
I’m fine with it. Some drugs I think you should not even try, just for the simple fact most people get fucked up by them, and theres not really any good out of them, but its your own choice.
If you do drugs and alcohol, thats fine, have fun, I love fun. But when it starts to fuck your life up, and you start dogging your friends / loved ones just to get high, then your fucked and you should stop.
I’m pretty sure my mum is going to buy me tickets to disturbed. Holy fucking shit, do you understand how much I love this band? They have to be at least my 4th or 3rd fav band, really high up there. They were pretty much the band that I listened to non stop in year 7 and 8.
So now I’m going to Disturbed, Soundwave (Stone sour!!!) Big day out (Tool!!!). Fuck yes!
The way I see it, just because you are blood related to someone, doesn’t mean they are ”family”.
I can say I’m closer to my friends more than my biological family.
I guess its sad to say but my family judges me 24/7 and I’m sick of it. like the other day my mum was yelling at me, I owned her so she said ”Shut up, go meditate or some shit like that”. Good one mum, just tease one of the things i feel that is really important in life, you are a great mother. In that same day I told her a little bit about how if im home for to long, i get a little bit sad for no reason, i start to think and i just dont feel right. she said i was a weirdo and thats my own problem and that i shouldnt be hanging out as much, then walked off. Again, it is fucking obvious that theres some problems that i have, yet you still think its nothing. bitch you think you are high and mighty, but you are not. i fucking hate what you have become and how you judge me. you dont know me, only my true friends know me.
Went to my best mate marks house on friday, ”Chilled” with all my best mates Mark, andrew and bob. It was pretty fuckin cool, relaxed a bit, and I got some pictures of the sunset which I really like, Been waiting to take pictures of the sunset from marks house for ages.
Saturday we all slept in til around 11.30 - 12, which was a nice sleep :P Then we went back to blacktown and chilled at bobs which was fun, watched movies, talked and shit like that, was good.
Sunday. Mehhh. Today isn’t over yet so I guess I can’t say if it was a shit day or not, because it isn’t past tense yet, but so far it hasn’t been the greatest. Didn’t get much sleep, went to work, almost threw up a hundred times because of lack of sleep.
But you can’t have everything good, thats what makes things good, you compare them to the bad, and you realize how good life can be at times. Maybe the rest of the afternoon will be good, hopefully :)